


A Fish and a Star

by DeanRH



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 coda, Coda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27434347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanRH/pseuds/DeanRH
Summary: Dean's thoughts in the aftermath.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 28
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

_"I love you..."_

_"I love you..."_

_"I love you..."_

Dean wasn't sure how much time had passed since he'd ignored Sam's call. How long he'd been sobbing, here on the floor.

Why he hadn't immediately answered Castiel with his own truth, his own _I love you, too._

His terror at the thought of Cas being taken away from him if he reciprocated, if _he_ made Castiel too happy - well. He couldn't live with that.

Turned out, Cas was just so _happy that he loved Dean_ the damned thing came and took him anyway.

Oh, sure, it snatched Billie away too. He couldn't think of her as Death, not really - more like a reaper-steward. Death was a gaunt old man with weird hair who liked pickle chips.

The phone rang again.

Numb, Dean picked it up. He was surprised his fingers and hands were still working.

"Sam," he managed to croak out.

"Dean!" Sam yelled down the phone. "Thank God! Why didn't you pick up?"

"I, uh," said Dean, completely shellshocked.

"Listen, um," said Sam, and Dean could _hear_ the unsteadiness, the tears in his voice. "They - they're all gone. Donna, Charlie. Bobby. It's - it's just me and Jack now. And you and Cas."

"Make that just me and you and Jack," Dean said tightly.

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Dean," said Sam, his voice now weirdly level. "What happened to Cas?"

_He loves me, Sammy._

_He **loves** me. _

_Like. Love-loves me._

_And I'm such a stupid, miserable failure I couldn't say it back._

_Not when it fucking counted._

_Not before the end._

"I'm coming to you," said Dean. "Gimme a few minutes - "

"No, I don't think so," said Sam. "The reason we came all the way out here is gone, okay? We're coming home."

_This place will never be home again._

"Kay," said Dean, and then hung up the phone. _  
_

So what now? Sam and Dean and Jack, the only players left on the board.

He stayed on the floor, staring at the spot where Cas had vanished.

For the first time in a long time, Dean longed for the road.

Longed for motel life and Castiel's weird, steely gaze, back when it was the first go-round for the Apocalypse.

Dean gave a juddering sigh. The heels of his hands to his eyes, he sobbed in the empty room. The sound echoed off the walls.

"I love you too, Castiel," he said aloud. "I love you too, you fucking idiot."

After a while, just like he always had, Dean Winchester picked up the scattered jigsaw of his life and held it in his heart as he somehow found the strength to stand up again.

He lurched out of the room and headed up the staircase.

There was an end of the world to fix, and once he fixed it:

he was going to be pissed.

He was going to harrow the Empty, just as Castiel had once harrowed Hell.

Dean would find his angel, and bring him home.

Because Castiel deserved to be saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title concept taken from the song Come To Bed by Elizabeth Smart, and All Things Shining, the fanfic that I assume inspired the line in the song.


	2. Author's Note

So...that episode sure was something, eh?

How are we all feeling about it?


End file.
